


Screaming Silence

by Emily_Woods



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon alteration, Death, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Please Don't Hate Me, but if I go down with it I am dragging you all with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-23 09:06:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14329146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emily_Woods/pseuds/Emily_Woods
Summary: During the 'Cuba Divorce' in First Class Charles was so hurt he lost control and was projecting his thoughts and feelings to everyone on that beach. That is, except for Erik, who was still wearing his bloody helmet.





	Screaming Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [a day when we can finally rest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080296) by [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash). 



At first everything was white. Charles noticed his legs giving way, but the shock was so deep he didn’t feel a thing. _Erik_. He had to stop Erik, otherwise someone will get hurt. His body touched the sand and, immediately, the pain came.

That was the moment everything became red, crimson almost. Charles swallowed the screams before they escaped his mouth, even if vocalizing that agony might have helped. Every tiniest cell in his body was caught on fire and transmitted this inferno everywhere like his flesh was made out of varnished wood. Charles prayed for a sweet relief of unconsciousness; turns out that was too much to ask.

When Erik heard the last gunshot, he did not care about tiny little humans with their tiny little problems anymore. He did not care about their missiles or Mutant Pride or, for the first time in his life, revenge. At that brief moment, the only thing, the only person he cared about was Charles and Charles alone. Charles’s pale face, in a hideous mask of pain, looked almost unfamiliar.

But that only lasted a split second. Erik _knew_ Moira was responsible for this, he _saw_ what she did, she hurt Charles and she had to pay. That moment was red for Erik too, although for him it was a tsunami of rage, not pain.

He _had_ to protect Charles - Erik promised himself that a long time ago - he _had_ to make sure Charles was safe and now he failed tremendously. All because of this stupid human girl with her stupid human gun and her stupid human sense of justice.

Moira started chocking and fell on her knees. The crimson color was becoming darker and darker in Erik’s consciousness, until…

‘She didn’t do it, Erik. You did.’

His words cut Erik’s soul like a knife. Like a blunt, twisted knife his mother used to hide under her mattress before they were taken to camps.

‘We want the same thing!’

‘I am sorry, my friend. We do not.’

Erik’s face became a mask, hiding all that was human deep inside of him. Charles shivered.

_“Stay, he thinks at Erik. Stay, stay, stay, don't leave me here, you can't leave me here.”_

Erik is not looking at him, in his helmet he can’t hear a thing no matter how hard Charles tries, and that lack of connection slowly tears Xavier apart. When exactly did they become this? When did their trust become broken so much that Erik started shielding from him, avoiding eye contact and now slipping through his fingers and leaving him? This hurt so much more than the physical pain.

The next few minutes were a blur, Charles suspected that he was losing lots of blood. He tried to reach Erik so desperately, doing it again and again and again, somehow each time hoping for another result, like a moth dashing against the lightbulb. Eventually, he just gave up and practically fell into abyss. This is where everything goes to black. Black is a new color of his life. Charles decides that he rather likes black.

 

‘We’re leaving.’

Erik’s team looks uncomfortable, some of them amused and shocked, some look away. What the hell is wrong with them?

Angel took a look at his helmet and then her eyes widened.

‘I really think… I think you should stay,’ Angel said, now avoiding his gaze.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Erik frowned.

‘I said we’re leaving.’

Everyone’s eyes were anywhere but meeting his own.

‘But professor Xavier…’ Angel tried again.

‘Charles is a big boy, he can take care of himself,’ Erik snapped at her.

He still felt bitter from the way Charles looked at him. ‘She didn’t do it. You did… You did… You did…' his voice was echoing through Erik’s mind on repeat, 'your fault, your recklessness, he will not forgive you, ever, ever, ever… you deserved this, you failed him… your fault, yours…’

 _Shut up!_ he wanted to cry that out loud so badly. _Just shut the hell up!_

It was not someone else’s telepathy telling him this. No, it was much worse: he was telling that to himself.

‘Erik, really, he…’ Azazel started. Erik gave him one strict look and Azazel closed his mouth immediately.

In a flash of black smoke, they were gone. Before they apparated he caught a glimpse of Raven’s face. It was all wet from the tears.

 

***

 

‘Come on in,’ Erik said in his usual strict voice. He did not do it on purpose anymore, after so many years it just came out automatically.

Angel came in and sat on his desk, like she always did. Erik raised his head to tell her off, like he always did, but after having one look at her face decided against it. Angel was one of the strongest people he knew, she rarely showed her emotions to anyone and she would never have showed them to him. Nevertheless, here they are, him staring and her silently crying.

‘Is it anything… I can help you with?’ he tried. His brain hastily opened a mental box with a label “What to do if a person is crying?” and it turned out the box was almost empty, only a thick layer of dust inside. Erik had no idea how to calm her down.

‘I… Raven has just received a call… it’s… it’s Charles…’

Lehnsherr’s mind went white and very silent. There was not a single emotion, not a single thought there, while he watched Angel’s lips pronounce: ‘He died, Erik. He’s dead.’

He did not know how much time has passed - it could have been a split second or a week - when Angel started shaking his shoulder.

‘Erik! You are really pale and don’t think you are breathing properly!’

Lehnsherr quickly hid his trembling hands under the table.

‘I’m fine,’ he forced himself to say.

‘You’re not, it’s okay,’ she told him and then they sat in silence for a while.

‘I know it’s not my place to say this, but… Has anyone ever told you what really happened in Cuba?’

Erik used to shout at them every time someone wanted to talk to him about Charles and Cuba events. Now, there was no point in that anymore, even though those memories still hurt.

‘I was there myself, I don’t think you could’ve seen something I didn’t.’

‘You’re right. We heard something you didn’t, something we all shouldn’t have, actually.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘It’s Charles, he… um, his… Raven has told me more about that afterwards. When they were kids, Charles once broke his arm, because their stepbrother - I don’t remember - betrayed him, or something? So, he fell from the tree and Raven was running to him, but Charles was very young and scared and in a great pain, so all of those combined… he lost control. The pain was too much for him to bear alone and he started… projecting onto people, his thoughts and feelings, everything. Raven said, it has happened a few times more since then.’

Erik has just opened his mouth to ask why she is telling him all this and how exactly is this information relevant but realized everything half a way through. Cuba.

‘Well, you were wearing a helmet back then. And he was shot, and that hurt a lot, Eric. I bloody mean it when I say a lot. I still remember a tiny glimpse of that pain, excruciating, feels like all of your bones breaking at the same time. Not all of that pain was physical, I might add, all of us knew that much. And when you walked away from him, Erik, he screamed, he screamed so loud inside our heads. But you were walking away, farther and farther with every step, feeling nothing and seeing nothing around you. And then, Erik, it stopped. He just went silent for a few seconds, like gathering strength for something or I don’t know… And then he said just one phrase, very quietly. “I still love you, Erik” and he passed out. Like a lightning bulb, it just went silent and dark.’

Erik felt tears all over his face. He suddenly forgot how to breathe.

‘We were… kind of trying to talk to you about this _for years_ , Erik. But you never listened and… well, after some time we just gave up. I’m sorry, we probably should have done something…’

She started crying again.

‘I really hoped it wouldn’t be me telling you all this,’ she said through tears.

‘Thank you,’ he heard his own cracking voice.

‘I’ll be in the living room if you need me.’

She exits the room and this is where everything goes to black. Black is a new color of his life. Erik decides that he rather hates black.

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a native speaker. Please keep that in mind before screaming at me about wrong punctuation or something.  
> (but please do tell about my mistakes, that is important to me)  
> And don't forget to have a lovely rest of the day/night.
> 
> P.S. I quoted one line from pocky_slash and their amazing "a day when we can finally rest", the whole line is in italic.


End file.
